i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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