This is not my ceiling
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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