can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
