Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And then he peed in my hair
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