I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
