She is in my trunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize