16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
