btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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