dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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