I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
