I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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