69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
