Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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