i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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