Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize