the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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