That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sarcasm needs its own font
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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