When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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