so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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