stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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