Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
