could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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