is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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