don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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