True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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