If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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