Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
