I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
