Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
