it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
