We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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