Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
