Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
