watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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