What did we do last night that was yellow?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
