He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize