i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
