So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
