I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
