a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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