i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
