Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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