he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
