I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
