Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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