I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My bed smells like the plague
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
