I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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