i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You need Xanax blowdarts
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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