Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
