I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
