Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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