Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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