First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
