I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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