He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
