I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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