Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
