Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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