I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
