So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
