My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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