Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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