i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
