just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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