Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
