I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
