why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Less talking, more tequila
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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