i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
