Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
