ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
