he shaved USA in his pubs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
