your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
