I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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