New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
