You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
