Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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