This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I would fuck him just for his dog
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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