The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
