hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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