How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize