I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
no, he came in my armpit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
