I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
