how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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