You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could make wine with my vomit
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
