Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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