ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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