Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
