i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
