Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
