yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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