Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
