I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
