pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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