I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
