I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
