i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
