did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
