eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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