He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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