Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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