I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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