So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
