It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
