Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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