real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
