i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
