I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
