There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
